Thursday, September 20, 2007

For Pastors... and the people who love them.


On a forum I am active in, a fellow member, and pastor, wrote this:

A local minister on Sunday rose and told the congregation that he would be taking a sabbatical with his wife. They had had problems and the marriage was suffering greatly - they were crashing. The leaders allowed them to take some time away. If when they return things have not improved then he will resign his position. It is sad for this guy. He seemed like a nice guy. Always active in many things. But in the end the one thing that should have mattered suffered.

Too often the flock in our immediate reach go untended and then the wolf attacks them scattering them to far off places. It is even more a wake up for me. This guy had kids who were out of the house and on their own, so they did not have to take care of kids on top of everything else. My wife and I, on the other hand, do. Though we have managed to keep boundaries intact for now, the fact remains we must be careful.
I immediately went back in my mind to a national Pastor's Conference I attended 20 years ago. A well-known and successful pastor of a large church was speaking to us. I don't remember most of what he had to say that morning, but I will never forget his eyes welling up with tears when he said, "For almost 30 years now I have done ministry the way I was taught, the way it was modeled for me. I went to every meeting of every group and committee in the church... I made every hospital and nursing home visit... I attended every service and function even remotely related to the church... I knocked on thousands of doors... I answered every call and went everywhere and anywhere anytime anybody in my church needed anything. On top of all that, I prepared two sermons, a Sunday School lesson, and a Midweek Bible study every week. Today my church is large, and some would say, influential... But I have no relationship with my wife, and my daughters basically grew up without my involvement in their lives." At this point the man broke down and began to weep openly. In a moment, he recovered enough to say, "Please don't allow yourself to get so caught up in your work that you neglect you family... I would trade everything I have today to get back the time I missed with my family." It was one of the most sobering experiences of my life.

God never called anyone into ministry to neglect their family. Our spouse and children are our flock. They need us just as much, even more than the folks in the other flock.

And so, a few somewhat random thoughts related to all this:
  • Protect your time off. Sunday is NOT an off day, Pastor! Take, at minimum, one complete 24 hour day off every week, two days is better, one and a half days is a fair, doable compromise in most situations.
  • Take your vacation time. You've earned it and deserve it. Go away somewhere nice if you can afford it, or just to visit relatives or friends. If "things will fall apart" if you go on vacation, your situation is probably already so bad that you NEED to get away!
  • Spend time with your family. Please don't give me the tired, old "quality time vs. quantity time" stuff. None of us is good enough at quality to make up for a lack of quantity. Our families spell "love" T-I-M-E. If you have to choose between a meeting and a child's activity - pick the child. Block the time out on your calendar or daily planner, and let nothing other than death derail it. A good rule of thumb is to spend as many nights at home with the family, or in family activities as you do in church related activities each week.
  • Date your spouse. Take them to lunch, or dinner and a movie. Take some sandwiches to the park, hold hands, walk and talk. Resist bringing up church business or problems with church people. Use the time to reconnect with your most important ministry partner.

I know most of the people who will read this already know this stuff. The question is, are you doing it? Pastors, we cannot succeed in the ministry if we fail with our family.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

10 Random Thoughts...



1. The gospel informs the doctrine, not the doctrine the gospel.


2. If we don’t multiply as a church we will die.


3. If we can simply agree on where we are going, we’ll be able to figure out how to get there…together!


4. Unity does not mean we always agree, but it does mean we will do all we can to get along in spite of disagreement.


5. Our structures must adjust to allow us to be empowered, not endangered.


6. Freedom without responsibility is anarchy.


7. Responsibility without authority is misery.


8. I don’t know everything, but this I do know: I don’t know everything.


9. I’m not sure “comfortable” is a Kingdom value.


10. God is God, we are not. We need to get used to it!



(props to Nonnis Spinner for the original list which I have adapted and modified.)

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Another "Wow!" Quote...


"Walking after the flesh is living independently of God, and it doesn't matter if the world rewards or punishes it. Flesh is flesh no matter how good it looks. And if it's flesh, it's sin."
-- Preston Gillham, Lifetime Guarantee Ministries

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

43 Things I Love about My Wife


She turned 43 last week, but I swear when I look at her I still see that 17 year old girl I met on my first day at Atlanta Christian College. In honor of her, I have composed a list of 43 things I love about her. The real chore here was deciding what to leave out! If she lives to be 120, I will still have lots of good stuff that couldn't fit on the list.


In no particular order...


1. Her beautiful brown eyes
2. She still laughs at my jokes
3. She has a great laugh!
4. The way she says "awwww!" when she sees puppies and kittens
5. How natural, and peaceful, and happy she looks when she’s holding a baby
6. She cries at movies, tv shows, and commercials - just like me!
7. Her encouragement when I'm down
8. Her support during the "wilderness years"
9. Her love for the Lord
10. The way she worships the Lord
11. The sound of her voice when she's reading to the boys
12. The smell of her hair when we kiss
13. That she always know where to find stuff when I can’t
14. She's put up with me for 20+ years
15. Her hugs
16. The love she has for our children that is strong and deep, yet tender
17. When she calls me at the office just to tell me something like what we got in the mail or just to say hi
18. That happy and excited "hi" I get – most of the time – when I call home
19. She's a good friend to other people
20. She's a great cook
21. How competitive she is at "Slug Bug/Cruiser Bruiser"
22. All she went through physically to produce those six little babies
23. Her willingness to sacrifice for her family
24. That she doesn't slap me down when I get all egotistical and obnoxious
25. The way she loves my mom and dad
26. That she moved all those times, even though she didn't always want to
27. The way she looks in an old t-shirt and blue jeans
28. When she buys something at a thrift store or yard sale because she thinks I'll like it
29. She makes great coffee
30. She always believed I would be a pastor again some day
31. The work she puts into her flower beds and gardens
32. The way she tears up when we talk about the boys growing up
33. That she love bookstores as much as I do
34. She became an Alabama fan
35. She's beautiful, but she thinks she's not
36. The way her hand fits exactly into mine
37. She always knows when I need a kiss, a break, a nap, or a kick in the butt (and on rare occasions, all four).
38. When we say the same thing at the same time
39. The way she gets excited over little things
40. Her willingness to forgive
41. That she really tries to beat me at Putt-Putt
42. She works harder for less pay than anyone I've ever known
43. The overwhelming feeling I get when I look at her that there is something important and valuable in my life